Demartini – Turning Setbacks into Comebacks – Part 1
Dr. Demartini shares how to transform what you PERCEIVE to be a setback into a catalyst for GROWTH.
Did you know that there is ONE question you can ask yourself to help you transform ANY setback into a comeback?
I am sure that, like every other person on this planet, you have experienced something that you perceived as a setback. Perhaps it involved your grades at school, not getting into the college or university of your choice, a relationship that did not turn out to be what you had hoped, or maybe even a lack of financial or business achievement that you had anticipated or planned for.
Perhaps you chose to work through these setbacks by trying again or working harder. Maybe you began blaming others for the role you perceived they played in your setback. There might even be a story that you are running in your head about how others have it “easier” than you or that you may as well give up because you never seem to catch a break.
I would like to give you an alternative view today – something tangible that you would be wise to consider using every time you face something you perceive as a setback. I am certain that it will assist you in transforming these setbacks into comebacks.
There are only three things that you have control of in life: your perceptions, your decisions, and your actions.
Not only do you have control of these three things, but you can also change them:
-Your PERCEPTION of the event that you call a setback.
-Your DECISION regarding what you decide to do; and
-Your ACTIONS around it.
So, while you may not have control over what has happened on the outside, you do have control of your perceptions and decisions on the inside, and of the resulting actions that follow.
As a result, you are not ever a victim of your history but instead a master of your destiny.
No matter what happens to you, you have the ability to change how it is in your mind.
I teach a course called the Breakthrough Experience and have seen people come in with all kinds of situations that they perceive to be setbacks.
One of the things I do is give them a new set of questions to ask, so they:
– Become conscious of things they were not conscious of.
– Balance out perceptions that they thought were “IN the way”; and
– Turn the same experience into something that is “ON the way”.
If something happens that you see as a setback, you are choosing to see the downsides and not the upsides.
It would be wise to ask yourself: “What are the upsides to this happening?” or “What would be the downsides if this hadn’t happened?”
For example, “What would be the downside if my parents had stayed married when I was younger?” or “What was the upside of my parents’ divorce when I was younger?”
Both questions will assist you in getting to the point where you are balanced in your thinking and grateful for what you had previously perceived as being a setback.
I am not promoting positive thinking but balanced thinking.
When you can find the downsides to the things or fantasies that you are infatuated with, you can release the distress, have the setback dissolve, and balance your thinking. A depressive setback is often a result of a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy you are holding on to about how it could or should have been.
Let me give you an example. Let us say that you become infatuated with a woman who then leaves you. Instead of focusing on all the ways she was “perfect”, imagine that you then began to look at all the downsides to either her or to your relationship with her until you are no longer infatuated but instead neutral and balanced. As a result, you will tend not to be resentful or unhappy, nor will you tend to give the relationship valuable real estate in your mind.
So, it is not about positive thinking but instead about bringing your thinking back into balance:
– If you perceive more drawbacks than benefits or more downsides than upsides, then you may need to come up with benefits or upsides.
– If you are infatuated with somebody or something, you may need to come up with the downsides or negatives to breakthrough your unrealistic perspective.
Balancing out the equation is what liberates you.
Anything that you are infatuated with occupies space and time in your mind and runs you, so you need to see the downsides to set you free. Anything you resent where you see downsides without upsides, also occupies your mind and runs you and here you need to see the upsides to set you free. It all depends on what the original setback is.
If you have lost someone that you are infatuated with, you may need to see the downside of the individual that you are attached to and the upside of them being gone.
If you are resentful of somebody, you may need to see the upside of why they are coming around you and the drawback if they were to go away. If you take those two sides and balance out the equation, there will be nothing there except an event that you are now grateful for.
In other words, a perfectly balanced mind is more objective and becomes grateful.
Adaptability comes from a balanced mind.
You are not adaptable if you are highly infatuated with something because you fear the loss of it.
You are not highly adaptable if you are resentful of something and fear the gain of it.
You are likely to only be set free when you have a balanced mind and neutralize your seeking or avoiding.
In the Breakthrough Experience, I teach the Demartini Method which is a series of questions that equilibrate the mind and liberate you from the bondage and baggage of emotions that weigh you down, which you label “setbacks”. In this way, you are likely to be free, resilient and adaptable to whatever is happening.
If you have a perfectly balanced mind and something has been taken from you, you are likely not to feel devastated or stressed, but free.
A perfectly neutral mind is what liberates people from the stresses and the setbacks. Or, as I like to put it, a setback is nothing but an imbalanced mind.
Sometimes, the setbacks we have in life are not even setbacks but comparisons of fantasies that we are addicted to.
If you hold onto a fantasy about how life is supposed to be, then what it is may tend to feel like a setback or challenge.
It is for this reason that I am a firm believer in balancing out the mind.
Once you balance your mind, you are likely not to even see a setback, only an opportunity.
You will tend to find the hidden order in your apparent chaos, and actually be grateful that it happens.
I often say that anything you are not grateful for, somehow you have a skewed view of. If you balance out your mind, you are likely to experience an abundance of gratitude.
Again, a perfectly balanced mind is grateful.
When someone sees the balanced hidden order, they will not even perceive a “problem”. They only thought they had a problem when they imbalanced their thinking and perception.
By asking the question: what is the upside if you are down, and what is the downside if you are up, balances it out and liberates you, and then you tend to realize there is nothing there except “thank you”.
No matter what is going on in your life, a master is able to turn whatever is happening into an opportunity.
It is just about asking the right questions because intuitively balanced questions help you see unconscious information. The second you change your perception, your decisions of what to do with it change, and your actions change.
Then, if you choose prioritized actions that are inspired and that are according to your highest value, you are likely to have the most resilience.
“How is whatever I’m experiencing right now helping me fulfill:
– What I value most?
– My mission or purpose in life?
– My inspired vision?
If you ask that question – no matter what is going on – you might be surprised that you are able to see things as being “on the way” instead of “in the way”.
You may not see it at first, but if you hold yourself accountable to look and discover what that is, you will tend to realize that this thing that you perceive to be a setback was not actually a setback but an opportunity.
When you are living in alignment with your highest values, are more objective and embrace both challenge and support in your pursuit of what you feel is your purpose in life, you are likely to have way more resilience and no longer experiences challenges as “setbacks”.
As a result, you will tend to be more adaptable and flexible, and no longer see gains or losses. Instead, you are likely to live in a world of transformation.
Why do redundant daily actions that are not inspiring to you when you can free yourself up to do those inspiring actions you really love, that are more meaningful and productive and that provide greater opportunities for other individuals to do the same?
Dr. Demartini shares his views on why learning the art of delegation can help you live a more inspired, productive, meaningful, and financially rewarding life.